The Inhabitants
-
Aaron aka Psycho: Resident of Comstock, ally of Wolf vs. Jason. Suspected AR. Feels all math should be currency based. Known closeted gamer geek. Able to turn rudeness into an art form.
- Known strengths: Extremely organized and neat; can eat anything.
- Known weaknesses: Dirty dishes; genital injury descriptions.
- Heard to say: “Most people meet new people with the assumption that they will like them. Not me; I assume I won’t and let them prove otherwise.“
-
Wolf: Resident of Comstock, ally of Aaron vs. Jason. Prolific writer, outrageous crackpot and eccentric. Claimed argumentative superiority through achievements of questionable merit; i.e. rock climbing in Germany. Prime irritator of Knaus.
- Known strengths: Exceptional bullshitter.
- Known weaknesses: Credible eye witnesses.
- Heard to say: “Even if so, it’s better than getting shot in the ass with rock salt. Besides, what could possibly go wrong?” and “Hubba hubba!”
-
Paul aka Mouse: Resident of Comstock, neutral, left alone due to extreme retaliation factor. Officially listed on the St. Joe’s “lost” page. Reputed ‘shady character’. Valuable for beer runs and to look level headed and sober by comparison at parties.
- Known strengths: Fear factor; impenetrable shellacked coif.
- Known weaknesses: Rain.
- Heard to say: “I will get you for this.” And “Can someone please get me a sharp object!“
-
Jason aka Thirsty Puddles: Hated resident of Comstock, and object of unending string of jokes, pranks, tricks, vandalism, and attempted murder; all of which failed to get him to move. Alleged non-bather. Forever losing keys, ATM card and leaving stove on.
- Known strengths: Lack of olfactory awareness.
- Known weaknesses: Soap.
- Heard to say: “I don’t appreeeeciate you (fill in the blank)”, “I think I’ll try heeeeterosexual before I try hooomosexual“, and “How do you know it was me who pissed blood all over the toilet?”
- Malice Knaus: Black, evil cat Knaus brought home one day; she escaped the house one day and had a litter of four kittens (Death and Froggy, the other two were taken in by others)
- Known strengths: Satanic magic; sharp-ass claws.
- Known weaknesses: None
The Frequently Encountered
-
Dan: Daily visitor to Comstock bringing new and strange people to on a weekly basis, eager ally of Wolf and Aaron vs. Jason. Unspeakably Irish. Founded two late 20th century movements the world could have well done without. AKA Rev Dr. Mooney
- Known strengths: Demagoguery
- Known weaknesses: Polite society.
- Heard to say: “Is Ben there please?” and “Wakka-dakka baby!”
-
Louis: Visitor to Comstock several times a week, instigator but non-participator, often here just to witness the results of antics. Responsible for continued profitability of Little Debbie and Mountain Dew. Vile flatulence due to eating habits; Mighty Taco.
- Known strengths: ‘Encyclopedia Brown’ level intelligence.
- Known weaknesses: Bugs Meaney; health food.
- Heard to say: “Fool! I think that’s a terrible idea!”
-
Matt aka Fetus: Almost daily visitor to Comstock, squirrelly character. Frequented Putt Putt (Street Fighter 2, anyone?). Career as Tops cart boy remains longest stint of employment. Inexplicably arrogant. Easily drunken.
- Known strengths: Nimble.
- Known weaknesses: Highly visible on ‘gay-dar’.
- Heard to say: “I am not, nor have I ever been, homosexual”
-
Dave aka MacGyver: Frequency of visits to Comstock varies, self-appointed project manager of official Comstock activities. Sported constant mullet and ripped pants. Created the legend of the Wolverines; not the movie ones though.
- Known strengths: Takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’.
- Known weaknesses: Injury prone; sub-standard duct tape.
- Heard to say: “In this bag? Things to make you ask questions.” And “Argghh!… Of course I can still play; do I have a choice?”
-
Little Dave aka Little Dave: Protégé of Dave Walsh; insufferable vegan. Chained self to fur store to spare ermine’s life for almost 20 minutes.
- Known strengths: Resilience in protest.
- Known weaknesses: Oscar Mayer.
- Heard to say: “Together we can beat meat!”
-
Dark Pistacio: A clown of ill manners and repute. Never seen at same time as Wolf leading to some unfounded speculation. A tactile representation of actions and events we wish forgotten.
- Known strengths: Drunken overconfidence.
- Known weaknesses: Martha Stewart: Living.
- Heard to say: “I’m a of course I didn’t have sober drink enough to I know… walk… now hold me up while I pee”
-
JP: “Alternative” visitor to the house, but not “alternative” in the same way Schultz is “alternative”. Former roommate of Aaron, Mike, and Paul. Prime inspirer of the legend of Portland.
- Known strengths: Chances are, he’s ‘known’ the bartender.
- Known weaknesses: Chicks; the Bible belt.
- Heard to say: “I have an 187 IQ!”
-
Rob: “Looks like the Cowardly Lion just pulled up in a mail truck!”. Once mistaken for Metallica’s own Michael Hatfield, yet still failed to score. Held up more times than Apu at the ‘We Never Close’.
- Known strengths: Ironic fearlessness.
- Known weaknesses: Postal affiliation.
- Heard to say: “Hey boss, I just got held up again at gunpoint. I want a raise”.
-
Burns: Came from St. Joe’s; vanished when he became “bar on treadmill man”. Lit off explosives in house. Destroyer of the first and best beerymid.
- Known strengths: Saving Schultz
- Known weaknesses: The same.
- Heard to say: “Can I stash my underage girlfriend at your house for a few days?”
-
Brian: Dashwood core member. Distinct hair and beret. Cool cat and boxing promoter wannabe. Somehow able to eschew alcohol yet still associate with Mooney.
- Known strengths: Penn Gillette resemblance.
- Known weaknesses: Frizz.
- Heard to say: “I choose not to party”
-
Jeff AKA Jeff Death: Dashwood core member. Scary mo-fo. Beet farmer from Batavia a la Dwight Schrute. Can build furniture out of bones.
- Known strengths: Strong as an ox and almost as smart.
- Known weaknesses: ‘Melting pot’; droughts.
- Heard to say: “That Leatherface don’t know jack shit about filleting a fat man with a chainsaw.”
The Women
Ann: Cousin of Wolf; associated with Matt and Aaron
Rai-Ann: Friend of Jason and object of his unrequited lust.
Mary: Girlfriend of Dan last year at Comstock. Moved on to Ian; a trade of dubious quality.- Sue the Boot: Unaware individual who was seen in the company of Dan and Matt. Geometrically challenged.
- Mandy: Of the Frank sisters; cuckolded boyfriend Pat with Matt. Unlikely mother.
- Carrie: Of the Frank sisters; Dan’s one time fiancé. Ran away to join the army.
- Carrie N: On the dark path; associated with Matt. Left our company just in time.
- Paula: Wolf tele-date turned stalker. Hygienically challenged.
- Megan: Girlfriend of Wolf at Princeton.
- Stefanie: Girlfriend of Schultz
- Joanne: Object of unrequited affection of Wolf.
- Charlotte: On again/ off again girlfriend of Wolf at Princeton right before Air Force.
- Karyn: Girlfriend of Wolf at Princeton.
- Denise: Object of Psycho lust and letters at Goodyear; apparently not into peanut butter and paddles.
Tracy: Friend of Dan; alleged call girl.- Jenn: Friend of Wolf; extremely alternative. First in class with tongue stud. AKA Jenn with the Tongue.
- Char: Friend of Dan; also seen in company of Aaron.
- More to come if people dare
The Extras
- Larry: Author of Battlelords and black man. Constantly made giant meatballs for women.
- Chet: Befriended because he spent long hours in the computer lab playing MASLIB MONSTER. Fast typist and Blood Bowl fanatic. Lived with Chinese couple.
- Pete O: The goon’s goon; Dan’s business partner. Had unwholesome influence on Schultz.
- Klausen: The “leader” of some undesirable youths. Never fought a fight he couldn’t lose.
- Andrew: Did medical experiments for cash; lost toenails and skin pigmentation.
- Chris: Friend of Wolf. Sucked us into Irish Club then punched Dan and joined a cult.
- JT: Gigantic cook; lived for Sat morning 25 cent drafts.
- Ian: Who wore a beret and therefore must be French.
- Craig: A handsome man; new social disease.
- Jeff S: Childhood friend of Wolf; incorruptible.
- Ende: High school friend of Wolf going to Fredonia; co-discoverer of Anacone’s.
- Ben: Alleged boring pretentious fuck; Rocky Horror aficionado.
- Dan C: Deadly practitioner of Mu-Tai; desired to wear the Boot.
- Raffe: CUR slave; once punched a tree for sassing him.
- Chris W: Friend of Aaron; not really in picture until post-Princeton.
Known Only By Nickname
- Lint: Youngest member of the Dashwood Society; deemed lower than namesake, yet still outranks milkshake drinker.
- Dr. I: Rocky Horror enthusiast. Played Dr Frank yet allegedly straight. Also a Dashwood member.
- Dr. Harkey: Mysterious older Dashwoody; allegedly inspired porn endeavor.
- Monkey Head: Alleged brother of Brian Young. May actually be named Monkey Head Young.
- Psycho Carrie: Affiliated with Dan; possibly deranged
- Guy: Proprietor of the L&T Deli. Titular head of the Guy Clan.
- Moustache Guy: Guy’s evil hirsute lipped brother.
- Girl: Guy’s sister and precocious brat.
- Fat Guy: Guy’s chunky cousin.
- Old Guy: Guy’s dad or grandpa.
- Old Girl: Guy’s mom or grandma.
- Monkey Jaw: AKA Cheese grater Jaw. Rocky extra with simian features.
- Cheepie: Weird redheaded dude who hung out at Noco with Dave Walsh.
- Bug Eyed Rachel: Anacone’s barfly. Apparently a “looker”.
- Nurse Pam: Rare female Dashwoody; associated with Ensign Raffe
The Groups
- The Dashwood Society: Dan, Brian, Jeff, Ensign Raffe, Dr. I, Mahatma Nick, Nurse Pam, Dr Harkey, Erik the Martyr, Dan C, Lint, and various others who drank in Dan’s basement during weekly Medicine Hours.
- The Church of Unconscious Revelations: Reverend Dr Dan, Mahatma Nick, Ensign Raffe, and Eric the Martyr – known practitioners of religion preaching holy trinity of God, Jesus and Satan. Real size unknown, but advertised as being “up to less than 100 members”.
- The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Dave, Knaus, Little Dave, and a very reluctant Wolf adopted this asinine distinction for reasons unknown.
- Wolverines, SF: Business partnership conceived by Dave W. and comprised of Wolf, Aaron,Knaus, and shockingly Jason. Dissolved after financially devastating first project that resulted in kick-ass party.
- Clan Frank: Carrie and Mandy, Klausen, affiliated scumbags.
- Sweetpeas: Clan Frank replacement group consisting of Rob, Mary, Ian, and Char. Derogatory name derived from Sweet Home high school.
- Gamer Geeks: The D&D set consisting of Aaron, Dan, Louis, Matt, JP, Chet, Rob, and Ian, with guest appearances by Wolf, Knaus and Dave.
The Returns
These are people who found this blog through the magic of the Internet.
- Chris K.: Associate of Wolf.
- Tracy Mehm: Associate of Mooney.
- Char: Librarian.
- Ken: Alleged associate of Wolf, but the official story for employment purposes is “these aren’t the droids you’re looking for.”
- John I.: Known through Wolf via UB food service, and Aaron via Kenmore West high school.
- Burns: Surprise re-appearance upon association with the Funnelator.
- Little Dave: Walsh’s protoge.
Brand New!
- Anna: New friend, UB alum, self-disclosed fellow weirdo, excellent taste in writing.
The Airforce Folks
Alex W
Alicia
Wasson
Badman
Bryan
Carrie
Celeste
Dario
Diana
Doug
Eric W
Forrest
France
Harley
Bell
Hahn
Ski
Jeff L.
‘Big’ John
Kelly
Kent
Jolly
Mercy
Bowsher
Rocky
Scott H
Stewart
Susan
Tiffany
Tim K
Travis
Will the Thrill
Comstock Days 
Who the hell are Megan O’Boyle, Charlotte Folts, and Karyn Kolodziej? Is there any more of a story to these people other than tele-dating?
I find it very interesting that I was a member of Wolverines SF without any knowledge and without and financial input. No to mention how the hell did Jason get into the group? Even though I was unaware I was in, I want him out.
The stories of all will be told in good time young scout; all in good time.
Jason was in though the contribution of $100, and was the only member not to receive anything at all back from the door take. As for you, true that you kept the purse strings closed tight, but your contribution of pure moxie was priceless.
Mike, making up fake girlfriends for youself is just pathetic. And before you go into any spiel that no one ever met them, spare us. I supposed they all lived in other cities as well.
Without evidence to the contrary, the OFFICIAL STORY is you made them up for whatever reasons.
You see the reason I get away with liberal use of ‘artistic license’ is because aside from Louis, none of you seem to remember anything past yesterday with any degree of accuracy.
Aaron and Dan both met Megan – I went out with her for over a year and she attended several parties at Princeton. In one instance I specifically asked Aaron to not have the gamer geeks over because I had planned a special night, yet he did anyway, incurring my anger. That night Dan went so far as to barge into my room to talk to her when I was in the bathroom, which mortified her as she was naked beneath the covers. Obliviousness does not constitute lack of evidence. 🙂
As for Charlotte, Dan met her as well, as I remember him making a kind remark as to my preference for woman with a generous ass. I can’t recall if Aaron met her or not, but we dated for a few months, although sporadically as she lived in West Seneca and neither of us had a car. She was around in the last few months before I went into the Air Force.
Finally, as for Karyn, Aaron came in numerous times when she and I were in the aprartment. As he and I were not speaking much at the time, he generally came in, saw us, and either retreated to his room or left in a huff. She used to refer to him as ‘Mr. Personality’ as a result.
So, I would like to reiterate that pulling a Reganesque ‘I can’t recall’, in no way negates events from having happened.
I can’t help but think that this accusation was a result of the apprearance of the ‘Meet Dan Mooney’ hyperlink on the side there, given that Dan called at 9:30 on a Sunday morning to a house with a cranky infant to complain. I would like to add that I have no idea how to add or remove these, and find it odd being the subject of suspicion where there is actually a web developer on staff here at Comstock Days. If I remember right anyway.
Sorry about the call. The reality is, that I don’t have anyone else’s number.I figured 9:30 would be OK. Sorry if I distubed you.
That’s OK, not to worry – things are impossible to predict around here anymore. Hey, your mom brought over the baby gift the other day – Thanks! That’s mighty thoughtful of you. You have been elevated to one of Molly’s favorite friends of mine. All right, I’ll cut out the heartfelt shit as I can feel Aaron glaring at me already.
I have to ask, do all of the people in the “Frequently Encountered” section belong there or should they be moved to “The Extras”?
Actually, I put them there for a reason – kinda working on a project. I ask that we wait to re-evaluate once I’m done.
So I haven’t checked the site in a while, I see you added some new stuff.
What’s the deal with the “Sweet Home Sweet Peas?” WTF? I NEVER remember us being called that…?
By the way, Marko thinks this site is funny too.
I thought of Jeff Deth [sic] last month when I had the pleasure of attending a faculty conference in BATAVIA. What a podunk town! Yeeeee-hah! They’s gots a Holiday Inn, a truck stop AND a racetrack!
The ‘Sweetpeas’ moniker was a deliberate shot across the collective bow of all who attended. I know Rob and Ian have visited here, but have yet to share or comment. Guess I need to bring out the bit guns. 🙂
And hi Marko! Glad you are enjoying!
I think all that stuff is on the ‘Welcome to Batavia’ billboard, although with worse grammar and a picture of Jeff with his pitchfork, straw hat and shirtless overalls.
returning to the surface for a brief moment, the wildness gone with the demon alkeehol. Good to hear your still kickin old chum, the stuff about old howard is wonderfuly accurate. May that old sheep !#$%^ rot in hades. I have a request old friend, though miles and miles seperate me from the old days, I was called to the carpet by the folks that were going to give me a promotion and was told that there was a problem. I have been happily married for 11 years and trying to prove myself at work, I got pretty far and now hope to be a liason between my co. and some of our biggest clients, unfortunately all one of those important clients has to do is type in my name and I go from a well respected business man to a sloppy 22 year old drunk. We had some great fun, but I am not being allowed to move on whether I deserve it or not and I know that you would not want that to be as a result of your page. I have not given a real address for the time being because I would preffer that just in case someone from my family gets a letter it might lead to more embarassment. I will check to see if you have made some changes and I hope that sometime soon I can give you a real contact so we might chat about the olden times. Thanks for giving me this opportunity to achieve some of my goals and not having to explain to people I care about why I was turned down for this promotion. The company is counting on me to act fast on this and I am counting on you. Merry christmas.
I have removed you from this page, and the other pages I may have found you on. We are re-considering the privacy of this blog. I hope we have not done any serious damage as that was certainly not the intent.
I will take this time to say, to whoever hears it, that what happened here is stupid, but not on Ken’s part. First off, all these stories have been embellished to a great extent. If I corrected every inaccuracy in Mike’s posts alone I would never be done. Second, society has to learn that you can’t hold something stupid someone may have done 10+ years ago against them. Hell, we have all (and I mean the entire world) have done stupid things when we were young, especially in college. Just because more and more incidents are documented in this age it is ridiculous to block their present because of something written by fools on a web site. We are not a background check!
That said *breathe* I appologize for all of us if anything we have written here had negatively affected you.
Our regular reads may soon have to email me directly to gain access to this site.
Ken! First, let me offer up my apologies for the inconvenience. While all of these stories cast all involved in the light of embarassments past; the authors included, I had thought there was some anonymity in the vastness of the internet. I did not do my home work to the extent that your name is a rare occurrance out there, which of course steers people directly here. If there is anything I can do to to help rectify this with your company, I would certainly be happy to take any measure to help out, including the insertion of a story telling what a fine fellow you are.
I did a further scouring of this blog and removed any trace of your last name from it, leaving you simply as anonymous Ken. I wish you nothing but the best of luck and hope the removal brings down the final barrier to promotion for you. You always had the wit and charisma to succeed and I have no doubt you will do so.
I completly understand not leaving a correct address, as I would be reluctant as well after stumbling on the ramblings of a few fools with computers, but if you would like to get in touch directly, I’ll make it easier by submitting my own address of I will probably remove this after about a week or so, or if I hear from you.
Again, I’m so sorry for the professional inconvenience you were caused by a few guys telling humerously exaggerated yarns of years gone by. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
All my best to you and your familiy!
And I removed your name from the comment too, since everyone else missed it. Note that Google will take some time to re-pull the pages and replace its cached versions – possibly up to 3 days. I also deactivated the “Other Oddballs” post for the moment.
What a minute! How do we know this is the Ken we know? There are plenty of Ken’s. I know of at least one other in Buffalo. This maybe a totally different person. Another reason some random blog on the Internet is not a background check.
How ironic, this could be a totally different Ken, after all the village of Kenmore causes lots of people to get named Ken, right? Or perhaps we misspelled his name, or got him mixed up with someone else completely in the stories told. In fact, it could have been a guy named Matt. Reliable information all around here.
Well, on a lighter note I’m just stopping in to wish all of you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
It’s been cool checking in with you guys again… The 90s are such a blur to me now… I think it’s cute how you guys have this site up to reconnect to your pasts… I wasn’t that big a part of your pasts, but it’s still neat to hear how all of you are doing.
For Dan, I’m hoping you receive many “distinctive gifts.” 😉
For Mike and Aaron and the rest, I hope you all have a happy and healthy holiday with your families. For those of you who also have kids now, have fun with them! Time goes by so fast!
Due to the timing, I will also wish you all a Merry Christmas. I haven’t seen or heard from most of you in years.
However, I can’t stop myself from pointing out that she wasn’t underage (you bastards).
Sure, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t falsely claimed! Also, it should be pretty clear which bastard wrote this page.
LOL, I am under ‘The Women’. Not alleged, I was. You don’t have to alledge me. I got more than my 15 minutes of fame and I’m not giving it back!
I would like to see a picture there too:) I’ll send one.
Trying to insert an image, but this is the one thing that never works for me.
It didn’t work but this is the url http://us.a2.yahoofs.com/groups/g_6621247/7124/__tn_/eddb.jpg?grA9JiHBT9HbSjey
holy crappola! My girlfriend found this site by googling my name, i believe that she is in fact obsessed with me. However, I could not be more pleased with the result.
I often think of you guys, and the many cold winter nights is pent with you guys on comstock.
Sue the Boot, that cracks me up. anytime I hear someone tell an outlandish tale of sexual conquest, in my head and sometimes aloud, I say to myself, “ahh Sue, my new boot.”
Does anyone know how to contact the other Dave? I know he is married to sweet Jennifer, and I know he was in St. Louis for sometime, but I haven’t spoken with him in a long long time.
As for myself, I am recently engaged, just turned 30, and I live in Connecticut with my bride to be, and 2 dogs. I work in the film and television business as a Gaffer?key Grip in NYC.
I am still vegetarian, and believe that I can in fact, beat meat.
damn it!!! so many typos
Little Dave!! We thought you lost to the wilderness forever! In case you are wondering, you are most prominently featured in the story titled “How I Became a Horseman” somewhere in the archives. We are very glad you found us! I see Aaron sent you Dave’s email, but he has it wrong, so I’ll send it to you directly.
Congrats on getting married! I’m married now myself with 1 child, 6 months old. Glad to hear you are doing well and can be proud that you are among a growing list of old friends who emerged to either wish us well or log bitter (yet justifyable) complaints at a 15 year old portrayal.
More credence to the theory that our actions are determined by our names:
http://www.wgrz.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=59636&catid=37
Get ready to receive some condolence cards.
While we wait for Paul to get out of the bathroom:
http://www.cwtv.com/shows/90210
Time for Mike to make another attempt at Luke Perry sideburns.
You understand the condolence cards wouldn’t come to me, right?
Bah, I tired of sideburns years ago! Should someone show up as inconceivably cool as Luke Perry though wearing mutton chops, I’m in there like swim wear!
Here is a perfect example of how Mike latches on to something and clutches it in a death grip, never giving it up.
The number of items that meet that description is all but incalcuable. My wife would be the first to testify to that statement.
Updated with pics of some of the AF folks.
Nice job formatting the pictures fool!
The editor on this thing sucks. Everything looks perfect in the edit window, but when I go to publish it goes to hell. Piece of crap! I also inserted pics into a bunch of the AF stories as well.
Before you try your hand at editors you should MASTER GRAPES.
I don’t get it. Is that some kind of computer geek term?
OK, I just finished master graping and it still looks the same.
It is a term coined by Louis, the story is in one of the blog posts.
This is an example of the much documented here, half-assed Air Force way.
It’s been a while, but I thought I’d check in on my favorite gang of insane but highly intelligent lunatics. In reviewing these photos, I must point out some remarkable facial resemblances. Brian = Sam Kinison. Dan = Jerry Seinfeld. JP = A drunken Johnny Depp. Rob = Greg Altman. And Travis of the Air Force = Pee Wee Herman. Diana of the Air Force = just plain gorgeous.
Am I right or am I right about all this, huh? Enough said. Hope you all have a Happy Holiday
And one more. Dark Pistacio = Batman’s “The Joker.” yikes. oy.
Anna, so nice to have you grace these pages again! I don’t think your resemblances are that far off, though be prepared for some objection from Dan. 🙂
Dark Pistacio is far more scary than the Joker. Far more.
I was engaged to that Wasson guy once, any idea where he is?
You were? How long ago? Just curious. I actually heard from him a few years ago when he looked me up needing some information from the Air Force tech school days. At the time he was still enlisted and at Eglin AFB in FL. I imagine he either got out (probably not, seemed like a lifer) or got moved to another base by now.
Since my stories probably portrayed him in a less than flattering light (like everyone), I have no doubt that he will stumble across this blog while looking for a mayonaise sandwich recipe or something and take great exception, after which I’ll have to draft another apology and erase his name. Good times, good times.
Care to share how you knew Chewbacca? I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.
We met online in 1997, in which he was stationed at Eglin AFB and I lived in VA (which I still do). Got engaged 98 and he broke up with me 99. LMAO! I could of choked the SOB but its all good and in the past. He told me his buddies called him Chewbacca and being I dated him I would know why =) I was just wondering what he was up to and how old he looks now HAHA!!