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The Official Story – Anguished 12 Hours

In the guise of Wolf I am attempting to force Dan’s hand. The most anticipated post, after the creamer story, is “The Anguished 12 Hours“. Readers of this blog will recall that “The Official Story” is the one we make up because those involved will not disclose the real details. I bring out this trusty old reliable once more.

Dan is a man. A man of strange tastes, and even stranger company. In the past, I often said their is much to dislike about Dan, but he is a strong magnet for entertainment. I have also said I don’t feel bad for Dan when he suffers. The clear exception to this is his luck when exposing real feelings. You didn’t think he had feelings, if you discount anger, spite, cruelty… I can go on and on, but you have all read the stories. I would even classify a new emotion of “bile” with Dan.

Any who. There were only two times Dan ever exposed his gushy insides. The first was with Carrie, of the Frank sisters. We have already told of the whirlwind romance over the summer, and her leaving for the army. We have also hear of her rebuke of Dan when he visited her in sincerity, and the end of their engagement. This is the first (of only two) times I felt sorry for Dan. He exposed his heart form the deep, dank cave it survives in; much like the ere depths where Frodo found Golum. In return he received a terrible shun. We thought he would be in recovery for a prolonged period. At least we would have thought that if anyone of us had learned of this before the end of the Anguished 12 Hours.

After returning from visiting Carrie, Dan sunk into a pile on the floor and wept in a manner of legend. To his aid came the (at this time) reclusive Rob. Rob drove Dan around and during that time Dan met up with Rob’s roommate – Mary. sparks flew from coast to coast as a true beauty and the dirty, filthy, beast encounter occurred. This was the most improbable start of a multi-year relationship.

It was several days after before any of us learned of this. When interviewed, as was a requirement in a situation like this, Dan was asked how did this happen so fast? Weren’t you upset?

“I was in inconceivable pain. I was inconsolable. It was the most anguished 12 hours I ever spent, but I am good now.”

The moral of the story? Even the “worst thing that has ever happened to you” will only last about 12 hours or so.


8 Responses

  1. As far as I am aware, this is pretty accurate. Dan brought her over on display for a gaming session to prove his recovery. Also, as he pointed out many times his recovery was helped considerably by getting the engagement ring back and pawning it off for almost as much as he paid. I can’t recall the exact words he used when telling me about the ring but he was fairly excited at the recovery of cold hard cash.

  2. Yes. Dan showed up to gaming one night with Mary. She fed him grapes the whole night. Unlike Larry, Dan has mastered grapes.

  3. As inconceivable as it sounds that a fox like Mary would feed Dan grapes in front of his geek friends, I must believe it based on my first encounter with Mary the year prior. I “doubled” with her, Joanne, and Dan’s predecesor. My overall impression was that he was a real douche and Dan was real catch in comparison.

  4. This is a rare case where we have many witnesses. Myself, Louis, Matt, and JP.

  5. Joanne ended up marrying that guy by the way. I’m sorry that it has taken so long to get the story up, but it will be ready in about a week. This has been a crazy summer, but I’ve gotten my schedule back on track, and am itching to do some writing.

    And actually Aarron’s story is rather accruate, but I’ve got the inside scoop. Or at least I hope I have. If I don’t who does. Some stranger? I don’t think so. That’s as likely as getting a wind-up masurbating monkey in the mail.

  6. A masturbation monkey? Where did you send away for that? I saw one of those recently in Chinatown.

  7. I hear you on the crazy summer. When are you coming back to Buffalo again? You came at the worst possible time earlier this summer and if I know ahead you are coming, I can plan time in.

    Also, how does one increase the liklihood of getting a wind up masturbating monkey in the mail? My own mailbox has longed for such.

  8. These things don’t just happen. Someone has to see something that catches their eye. Something that screams, “That is for Dan/Mike/Louis!” One’s wife saying “you guys are weird” helps. In this case Inori found the monkey. One day perhaps you will be rewarded for doing nothing, but it will certainly be unique.

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