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A Christmas to Remember

It was the height of the Dashwood Society’s power.  Just under 100 members (7).  Dan had previously informed us of the Society’s intention to concoct two of their own holidays.  I will insert a spoiler here to say a second holiday may well have been fabricated, but it was never executed.  The first holiday, of which I tell you now, was a celebration of the birth of Satan.  The Society chose to place this holiday in December.  The reason was twofold.  One, the irony of Satan and winter.  Two, was to sponge off the already highly commercialized Holiday season.  We already have Christmas,  Hanukkah, Kwanzaa; what is one more?

To put this story into perspective, it was the Princeton Era.  It was a Saturday night, and Wolf was nowhere to be found.  Perhaps on a date with one of his pre-Internet dating service shadow ladies.  Brave as I may be, I was always leery to accept an invitation to anything from Dan.  I dare say Arnold Schwarzenegger would also hold such a pause.  This experience was no exception.  The hour of the party was fast approaching, and I knew I HAD to attend, for given the proximity of Princeton to Dan’s home, even a severely inebriated individual could make it to Princeton to invade our home.  My only line of defense would be the steep hill behind Tops.  I held out little hope for help as it was now 30 minutes past the party’s start time.  I had to head to Dan’s place very, very soon.  I am not a religious man, but I that night I witnessed a miracle, as a stiff-haired man in cowboy boots over his pants, appeared out of the dark and frigid night as my savior.  Paul arrived at Princeton.  He fully meant to accompany me to the party.

There was no way we were attending unarmed.  We armed ourselves with a bottle of rum.  Both of us fully experienced in the ways of Dan and the Dashwoodites, we required camouflage of our beverage lest we be beset upon immediately upon arrival.  Luckily Tops was directly in our path.  We stowed our liquor behind a snow drift at the side of Tops and ventured inward to obtain what else but Coke.  St. Nick is not without a sense of humor as another miracle occurred, and Tops was actually out of Coke!  We had to purchase Pepsi.  Back outside to retrieve our rum we dumped a portion of the Pepsi on the icy pavement and emptied the rum into our respective 2l bottles.  Having already done some shots of raw rum before leaving Princeton, and now fully equipped, we were ready to climb through the backyard of Dan’s neighbor and cross into Dan’s yard to celebrate the birth of Satan.

We entered the yard to find the entire Dashwood Society outside!  It was a really cold night, including wind, so we naturally assumed the party was indoors.  Once again showcasing what happens when you assume.  Whether the party was initially indoors, until Dan’s mom threw them out was never proven, but outside it was.  We were greeted with much jubilation.  After an exclamation of “WHAT THE F*CK ARE WE DOING OUTSIDE!”, Dan retored with, “Don’t worry, we have a fire in this oil drum.”  So just like the homeless we encircled a literal oil drum containing a roaring fire.  The fuel of the fire was broken slats of the Tops drift fence, which were retrieved by some low-level Dashwoodite.

The oil drum proved to be blistering hot.  Imagine, a metal barrel the size of a short man filled with fire.  After this experience I felt no pity for winter homeless.  This oil drum was quite a fair shake warmer than many a night I spent in Comstock.

The night was spent drinking away around the oil drum, making fun of Ben, and at one point the firewood retriever being punished for a failed attempt at humor by being ordered to stand away from the fire as several high-level Dashwoodites threw frozen dog poo at him.

As the firewood retrieval required a farther and farther trek the night drew to a close.  Paul and I took the requisite elongated time traveling the 100 yards back to Princeton, where Paul passed out on one of the three couches.  It turned out to be a good night.

The Dashwood Society only celebrated the birth of Satan holiday once. In my opinion, this new holiday was doomed from the start by poor marketing.


8 Responses

  1. A decent yarn and one that needed to be told. What was the second holdiday that never manifested?

    The night of this party was the night I met Jenn with the Tongue for the first time which is why I missed it. I’m pretty sure this was in Jan though and not Dec.

    All in all a good post!

  2. I’ll trust your point of reference that it was January. I have moved the post on the “What is Comstock?” timeline. Are you all remembering to add your posts to the timeline?

    As for the second holiday, Dan will have to tell us what it was. Dan?

    Can we shortly expect several posts from Dan?

  3. Excellent post, the image of huddling around a burning oil drum is quite humorous.

  4. Let me tell you. It was f*cking hot. We were sweating inside the radius of hear from that drum.

  5. Yes it was hot. I often regret not doing it again. The second holiday was forgotten about. As we said, every night with the Dashwood society is a party, so why bother. You forgot to mention the beautiful prayer that I did with my fellow Dashwoodites. Also it was Lint that I had fetch the firewood.

  6. What was the prayer?

  7. Didn’t Lint end up stealing the Tops snow fence?

  8. I don’t remember the prayer, but it was along the lines of having fun, getting drunk and do whatever the hell you fell like shall be the whole of the law.

    Yeha, Lint stole most of the snow fence around Tops. Which was a useless thing for Tops to have.

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