If She Had Only Tried Harder

Louis was in town this week and reminded me of a number of stories that still need to be posted here. One such story, which I thought I had posted way back at the start of this blog we could not find. In any case it is such a good story, and my writing has gotten significantly better with the regular practice here, that I new and improved version is necessary.

When I meet new people, or start a new job, I am initially quiet. I want to take my time and learn what I can and can not say. If the things that birthed from out mouths in theComstock Era were spoken in most company I would receive constant shunnings, beatings, and tossings out onto the street. One of my staple stories over the years has been this one. I feel it captures the essence of the times by throwing the user into an unsuspected fire, if only for my amusement.

Our story begins with Dan visiting his friend at a college in Pennsylvania. Dan attended a dorm party, partaking of the generous levels of libations. We will never what charms the goodly gentleman Dan used that night, but scant hours later he had enticed a lovely lady into a mysterious corner. Without a doubt they engaged in lively conversation of the purest form.

After a spell the innocent, young woman invited our man of honor on a nighttime drive around the campus, to which they halted in a dark parking lot. With much vigor the new-love couple scampered into the back seat. The two were an octopus of entangled appendages and (a mountain of) pure molten lust. Our heroine soon found herself, by purpose or push, descending to the dark jungle below. Dan tipped his head back in sinful pleasure.

Without warning our hero found himself hanging half out the car door, and his lover pushing him out the door with all her strength! Egads! Surely some danger was approaching their chariot and she was urging Dan to face it head-on like the cavalier that he is.

Dan: “What the hell are you doing?”
Fair Maiden: “You fell ASLEEP!”
Dan: “Well, you should have tried harder bitch!”

Dan was pushed the remainder of the was out of the car. The doors were promptly locked and young lover drove off in haste. Dan was left in a parking lot on a campus he had no knowledge of, in the dark, with no one around, and in a state of some intoxication. It was only through his Boy Scout resourcefulness he was able to find his way back to the dorm party to find his friend and pass out until morn.

If only she had tried harder.

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4 Responses

  1. oh…..my……GOD…..this is NOT a true story. can’t be……..cannot be true…..no WAY. Fell asleep….nu-uh. Nope.

  2. Dan’s lovely lady now wakes up screaming in the middle of the night, only to scream again when she realizes it is all true.

  3. I’ve gotta point out to everyone that I was drunk and stoned at the time, and a little tired.

  4. Drunk sure. Stone, I did not know that, but whatever. But TIRED! That is the lamest excuse I have ever heard!

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