Good Morning Vietnam

This story is one that suddenly sprung to mind for no apparent reason. It is not as glamorous as my last post, nor related to Mike’s Air Force escapade, but not every event in the lives of our group is an extravaganza of sights, sounds, and pshaw.

It was a summer at Princeton, and Tony helped out at the Buff State radio station. The audience of the station was even lower than normal during the summer. Tony was given the a one hour time slot weekly to fill as he liked. Being a raving fan of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy he found a copy of the radio transcript of the book. His plan was to perform a chapter each week, but he needed voice actors. Naturally he turned to his St. Joe’s roots to enlist myself, Matt, and Dan.

The first night we ran through the first chapter in well under a hour, so to fill the time we offered up a prize of 50 gallon dumbs to whoever could haul them away. The drums were being given away by my employer, they had made the same offer to us, seemed odd, but how else are you gonna fill 30 minutes of dead air? To our surprise we received a number of calls, all wanting more details on the condition and former contents of the drums. One person actually need the drums, and we gave them the address off the air. I anxiously checked the drums each morning on the way into work, but never was a drum taken.

This went on for a few more weeks, and we came to the end of the script new plans were made. Dan enlisted Brian, who was still manager of the Kenmore Books & News porn shop. He borrowed a number of vibrators for the show. That week we played the sound of four vibrators over the air as we turned them on and let them rattled across the table. The most unmistakable was the “Magic Wand”. Callers then guessed which vibrator it was. 100% guessed the Magic Wand. We had no prize, except the sorry 50 gallon drums, but we received a lot of calls.

Over the last few weeks the show devolved into making fun of Matt, which grew boring, and then into Brian and Dan shouting their manifesto, and finally only Brian shouting. By this time we had long since stopped showing up, except poor Tony who was responsible for the time slot and had to show.

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7 Responses

  1. I remember participating one night, in spite of my better judgement. Most of my recollection of that evening consists of a single debate. The argument was over whether a man who assumes the receiving position and is “attacked” (to use Aaron’s term) by a woman (wearing extra equipment; this is also known as “pegging” ) qualifies as a homosexual. A vehement dispute ensued, with several of us taking the position that anything done with a woman wasn’t a gay act, while Dan and Brian deemed such an event as gay. Eventually this was downgraded to “a sign of gayness, and a little is just as bad as all the way”. Why this was such a fascinating debate is unknown, but several callers did call in and threaten us collectively with a “gay ass-kicking”. Eventually, it was settled off the air with Dan’s proclamation that it “may not be technically gay, but it is certainly a GATEWAY SEXUAL ACT!” There’s no comeback for that.
    (I would also note that if anyone fell victim to this, their girlfriend would apparently qualify for the plaque. Would that make them Catherine the Great? Queen Elizabeth? Ponder this upon the tree of woe.)

  2. Aarron you keep reading my mind on posts. I was just putting notes together about this show. I’ll fill in more later espically with the drag queens you invited. Again this is added to the list about my Anguished 12 hours, and others. Good so far, keep up the good writing.

  3. I missed the show but remember hearing about it. Was this the same radio venture that was finally revealed to be controlled by Jason who subsequently cancelled things once he found out Dan was involved?

  4. It may have been, but this was during the Princeton era (I think). Dan?

  5. Yes, it was during Princeton. It was at Buffalo State, which Tony House was attending at the time. One timne Brian and I did do something at UB radio, but it ended with a lot of people coming down and trying to attack us in the booth. I didn’t know Jason was involved though. We only went once and had no desire to do so again.

  6. What did you and Brian do that created this mob of attackers? Was there someone leading the mob (“Free TVs!”)?

  7. Brain said something to a caller. The guy’s name was Tony and Brain asked if he were Italian. The guy said he was Polish and Brain said, “Leave it to a Polock to give their kid an Italian name.”

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