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Tops Addendum

Wolf, Knaus, and I made many a late night trip to Tops when bored. We spent a lot of time wandering the isles, but inevitably landed on Tina’s (frozen) burritos. At two for a dollar they were a bargain no college student could pass up. We changed the pace with the cheapest frozen pizza we could find. JP splurged and got the name-bran frozen pizza with peppers.

Wolf and I lamented upon picking the slowest line always. When we doubled our efforts to find a fast line and split off we both got screwed. In my entire lifetime of visits to Tops I only ever recall passing through a line quickly once.

You left out Matt’s claim t be 93% butcher. The only thing butcher-wise he was not skilled at was seven slices of expensive meat. Over his years he acquired skill at four of those cuts, leaving him forever 97% man… I mean butcher. He also printed his own employee name tag. It simply said…


Matt’s employ at Tops served up a few more stories. The time he was a cart boy and walked across the street to see a movie at the Super Saver movie theater. After the movie he walked back in and took his break. He waited one day after the statute of limitations ran out (by union rules) before he told everyone at Tops.

Always a cunning user of his breaks, he once was sitting in the entryway when an upset woman approached.

“There’s a used condom in the parking lot!”
“Where?!… Yup, that’s a condom.”
*walks back to seat*
“Aren’t you going to clean that up?!”
“Lady, I’m on my break.”

Matt’s co-workers were not often of his intellect. He told us of the girl who became a vegetarian in order to lose weight. She succeeded, but not enough, so she then moved to a vegan. Did I say devoid of intellect, I also meant without moral fiber either. Another incident found poor Matt in utter shock as he learned a co-worker had no idea what phalic meant. He spent the rest of his shift polling other employees. none knew what it meant.

The final Tops tale is not of pervasive Matt, but the straighten-up and fly right Mr. Mooney. For a period he was employed by Tops as a security guard. His duties consisted of being a deterrent to mischief, the irony, and to keep people from parking in the handicapped spot without proper plates. Once this happened and the guy did not heed Mooney’s warning. “What are you gonna do?” and defiantly strode into Tops. Mooney promptly called the tow truck at hand and the guy ran out screaming as his expensive car was hauled away. He stopped a moment to turn towards Mooney to yell at him, only to face a proud Mooney, adorned in all his security regalia, with a chesire cat grim of satisfaction sported.


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