Driving Mr. Mooney

I have mentioned in previous posts and comments to this blog, that driving with Mooney is a hazard. Here I will recant the most memorable of such times, all when I was driving, and Mr. Mooney was present.

Incident One
My parents had moved to Albuquerque, NM. My Uncle lives in Rochester, NY. He had flown out to visit my parents and agreed to drive my father’s ’79 black Thunderbird back to Buffalo to give to me. My uncle called me a few hours before he arrived in Buffalo. As I was waiting for him to arrive Mooney called. Mooney jumped at the chance to go on the adventure with me. Since I was nervous about driving, in particular about navigating back from Rochester, for the first time, in the dark, I was happy to have Mooney along. We waited in the Burger King parking lot at the corner of Main and Bailey for my uncle to arrive. We got in and my uncle drove us to Rochester. Once in the car I had the notion to be nervous with Dan around, but perhaps sensing my nervousness, Mooney was on his best behavior. The ride was quiet and uneventful.

I thanked my uncle and we found our way back to the NYS Thruway. Once we had pulled out of the toll booth, Mooney presented a tape, and popped it in the tape deck. After a dramatic pause the theme song to “Batman” blasted out the speakers. I finally smiled and was put at ease. We were not pulled over, and in the end I was glad to have Mooney around to relieve the stress. Unfortunately this was the only time Mooney and I drove together without incident.

Incident One B
A quick side note on an incident with Chet in the car. The day after I had acquired the T-bird I was anxious to drive so Chet and I drove to Denny’s. On the way back I was pulled over going down NFB for driving too slow. The police asked me if I had anything to drink. “Only Mountain Dew.”

Incident Two
The second incident with Mooney was the night Matt, Wolf, Dan, and I drove up to Rumors in Canada. Matt’s girlfriend was up there dancing with her friend. I actually danced and we all had a good time, and drank plenty, except for me (not on purpose).

Dan sat at the bar upon arrival, and worked his way around the entire circular bar asking each and every woman, “What’s your sign?” No takers. Hard to imagine, but I am reminded of the words of Larry, “Dude, who cares about 50 no’s; all you need is 1 yes.” Mooney certainly has the power of no shame, and puts it to good use at times.

At the end of the night (Canada closed at 1AM in those days), Matt, Wolf, and Mooney were quite drunk. I drove Matt’s van. Dan was in the passenger seat, while Wolf and Matt passed out in the back of the “Unforgiven”.

I had never driven back from Canada myself, and I stayed on the highway, looking for signed back to the US. No one else was any help in their unconscious state. I was pretty sure I just missed my exit when Mooney stirred and I explained the situation. With utmost confidence (should have been my sign to ignore him) Mooney pointed out the correct exit.

As soon as we exited the highway I knew we were in the wrong neighborhood. I drove a few blocks and looked for a place to turn around. Mooney piped up and suggest I just turn around in the approaching intersection. Seemed like a good idea, and I did so. A cop appeared out of nowhere and pulled us over.

I told him I was driving my intoxicated friends back to the US and I had gotten lost. Mooney chose this opportune time to pass out again, or at least pretend to. The ever-friendly Canadians lead me back to the border. I managed to stir Matt and Wolf long enough to respond incoherently to customs, and they were non-the-wiser to the antics of the drive until I told them at a later time.

Incident Three
This is the most interesting episode driving with Mooney. We had just started a party at Comstock. Knaus came home and was in a a rare good mood. He immediately began drinking. Thirty minutes after Knaus got home Louis called. He was at Canisus, and needed a ride over to Comstock. After hanging up I approached Knaus about him driving me over there to find Louis. Knaus was already heavily buzzed, and tossed me his keys. Before he could change his mind I darted out the door, with Dan in tow, having invited himself along for the ride. As most of these ill-fated adventures with Mooney begin, “Why not? I could use the company and help navigating a school I had never been to.” Dan has a mystic ability to make you forget what has happened when he was around in the past.

I had not driven in well over a year, and the added pressure of being entrusted with Knaus’s car was nerve-racking. I stemmed my nerves by eating some Triscuits which I had next to me. Everything was going well, admittedly I was driving slow, but not too slow. Nevertheless sirens appeared behind us and we pulled over.

The cops pulled us over because I was driving with no headlights on. The cops also was agitated because he saw me making a repeated drinking motion from behind. I had finally convinced him it was only the Triscuits I kept munching. Luckily I had not had a drop to drink, yet.

Just as the cop was relaxed and was about to let us go I heard his partner, a female cop who was idly standing next to Mooney’s door, raised her voice. I only wish I could remember what Mooney said, but it was something she did not like. Eventually the police relaxed and let us go.

No sooner had the cops pulled away then did Mooney reach around to behind his seat and produce a can of beer! Thank god the police did not find it. At least it was not open. This turned into another of those points, like the Milkshake, that Mooney and I disagree to this day, that it was a poor idea.

There you have it, in summary, be wary when driving Mr. Mooney.

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4 Responses

  1. I think his water ballooning of the car next to Matt qualifies as a driving incident.

  2. This was the second incident in which Knaus was unusually generous with his vehicle. I remember at Goodyear he once gave Dan (as yet unlicensed)his keys to drive Tracy Meme home to South Buffalo.That in itself might make an interesting story.

  3. There was a third time we took Mouse’s car. We drove up to Rochester and saw Rocky Horror there. Of course Mouse had no idea that we were taking it there. We had Carrie and two of her friends in tow. It was a fun night of nerve racking behavior on all parts. I’m just glad that Mouse never found out.

  4. I never lived in South Buffalo

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