The Pact

Back in the day Matt, Louis, and I entered into a pact. This pack stated that if any of us became a “bump” (i.e. useless to society) the other two found track the third down, pull them out of the gutter they were living in, given them $100 (total, so $50 each – this is important), tell them to “SNAP OUT OF IT YOU PIECE OF SHIT!”, and give them a punch (1 punch/person – this is even more important). Over the years more people joined the pact (Mooney, Chris, JP, etc.). The beauty of this pact is the “saviors” spend less money each with more pact members (as the “scum” only gets $100 total), but each “savior” gets a swing at the useless slug. Most people joined with the idea that Matt was most likely to be the useful slug. Over the years not only has the membership grown, but the coverage. Dan and Matt were always the leaders (until modern times) which meant the pact signees ever expanded with paragons of purity willing to make a difference.

This pact later added that if anyone ever ran for public office, the other could not sell him out. Another clause was that no pact member had to buy a birthday, xmas, etc. gift for any of the others other than a beer. This piece clause of the pact has been broken several times over the years due to girlfriends and wives. Women.

While not an official clause of the pact we did practice another unofficial clause. Back when we all lived in the same city we used to get together Saturday nights every week. The rule stipulated that if someone had a date they were allowed to blow off Saturday night, but you only had one month. The theory was that after a month you either had kicked this girl to the curb, or the relationship was serious enough you could get away.

A final, but important piece to the pact, originally entered into by myself, Louis, and Matt; but later we pulled JP and Dan into the pact for out own safety; if any of us ever ran for public office, none of the others could divulge his skeletons, and in exchange receive a government position. Upon reflection this is probably commonplace in politics.

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One Response

  1. One must say that Schultz was known for failing to obey the one month rule. He would have to be rounded up at strange times and locations due to his vanishing tendencies.

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